Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Arachnaphobia: fear of spiders.

They terrify me. I hate them, all of them. I care not that they feast on the bugs that plague mankind and also instill fear in my soul. I HATE them.

And they're finding their way into my apartment. How?? It doesn't matter. The fact that they are waltzing in as if they own the place both enrages and terrifies me to no end.

So here I am, taking my precious time about getting my stuff together to spend the night at Rich's. And I'm thinking, I totally could have left an hour ago!! But if I had...oh, if I had...

...I would have left behind me, unbeknownst, a spider, nickel-sized in diameter (too big!!)...CARRYING A CLUTCH OF FUCKING EGGS. Where would it have ended up?? In the cat box?? In the vents?? IN MY BED?!?!

So I grabbed my spider-killing spray, and spray the fuck out of it. And step on it. And I look around for something to grab hold of this thing and flush it down the toilet, never to bother me again. And when I looked back at the spot where it lay...IT WAS GONE.

This was quickly spiraling out of control, turning into a nightmare. I was hyperventilating and on the verge of tears, when I saw movement. It was attempting to seek shelter beneath my laptop bag. I kicked the bag out of the way, sprayed the little fucker again, grabbed a chair, and with all my weight CRUSHED IT with the leg. And there the chair remains, leg on top of the dead beast. Shaking, I quickly grabbed my things, did not bother to turn off the lights or close my blinds, and fled for my sanity.

I am going to bug bomb the hell out of my apartment, and then separately bug bomb my fireplace, just to be sure. I cannot live like this, day in and day out, constantly looking over my shoulder and living in fear as my skin crawls and itches as a response to my terror.


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