Monday, April 28, 2008

It's just another case of that ol' PTA!!

Alright, I know I said that not even old school rap is my cup of tea, but...I'm watching some old school Busta Rhymes right now, and I'm loving it. I miss this shit. Please bring it back.

Black this, black that...really?!

Does someone wanna tell me what the fuck a black church is?? Really, I'm getting tired of words being preceded by the term "black". What is this hypocritical exclusivity?? The black community, Black Entertainment Television, black church...ridiculous. God forbid someone should use the term "white community" or establish a white entertainment channel or refer to any religious affiliation as the "white church." It is racism and it is unacceptable.

Something else that gets me steaming is the term "reverse racism". What the hell is that, I ask you?? Racism is racism regardless of whom it originates from or whom it is directed towards. Forget trying to genetically engineer intelligent about genetically engineering color-blind babies??

Father of the Year they are not.

Girl dies in honor killing for loving a British soldier.

So, killing your daughter is honorable, is it?? You equate murder with the honor of your family?? How dare you. As a father you are charged to love and protect your children. I hope you burn in hell.

And then there's this House of Horror...*gag*

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Let's all do the Charlie Brown dance!!

So. That possible pending deployment. To AUAB. The same place my ex-husband is going. The same place Rich's ex-girlfriend is going. In the city that did quite the number on me last year. That whole tasker.

Not happening.

The unholy blessings of Almighty Davi on Vinnie from now until the second coming of Christ for volunteering for my spot. My emotions will remain stable, my sanity intact.

I have a sudden urge to dance a jig.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

I'll have an order of SHAFTED with a side of NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

It's happened. They've tasked me. For the same goddamn city I was in last time. Despite all these other people with the same qualifications who did not deploy last time or anytime during their enlistment, they tasked me. Fuck you. Fuck you.

This just might get me out of gate guard duty.

Apparently, I'm having an "existential crisis". I've decided that, in search of answers that I doubt I'm going to find, I will start attending church. I truly do not know what to believe anymore, but I suspect that in the last few years I have slowly become an agnostic theist.

I have no patience for structured religion, and while I believe it was established with the best of intentions, like so many other things it was been twisted and corrupted by man to suit his motives, ambitions, and desires. It cannot be trusted, and so I have nowhere to look for spiritual guidance; I can only rely on myself and my own judgment. As I have stated on many occasions, I do not know if God exists or if there is an afterlife. But I do follow a set moral code, and in the end I hope that will be good enough for whomever judges me when I die.

On a side note, Forrest and this other guy give me plenty of food or thought. After reading some of their entries concerning morality without the trappings of faith, I have begun to wonder if secular humanists, who pretty much do that right thing because it's the right thing to do, have more integrity than theists, who do the right thing because they feel they're being watched. Kinda like the kid who doesn't eat cookies before supper so as not to spoil his appetite, as opposed to the kid who doesn't eat said cookies because he can't get away with it while Mom is watching. If that makes sense.

Monday, April 21, 2008

I'm all shook up.

Not really, but someone somewhere in Illinois is. We're getting a lot of activity out here. I haven't felt anything since the initial one, but one guy is concerned that this might the beginning of the BIG ONE. Who wants to help me move all my shit down from high places in my house??

So, I told Rich that I think he should take the orders. I surprised both of us with that. I suppose at some point during all that thinking time I had on Friday, I became subconsciously resigned to the possibility of being separated from him for a year. Being thus resigned, I can rationally see this as an excellent opportunity for Rich to expand his horizons. I'm still not sure which way he's leaning in his decision-making, but he's at least making sure all his bases are covered for whatever may come.

And now the office is fondly reminiscing about the movie Birdcage, and other movies with hilarious gay characters. "Don't worry, it's just aspirin with the a and the s scratched off."

Sunday, April 20, 2008

You drive me crazy.

Not a good night at all. Minus the one hour that I commandeered the jukebox and put all that shitty rap music on hold. I'm never going to that pool hall again. And I'm never eating Jack-n-the-Box tacos again. And quite possibly never drinking with Rich again. That's still undecided.

I think I might actually go to church today, since I can't sleep thanks to J. And then go to my house and start packing, or something. I hope this week warms up.

Srsly, tho, I cannot believe people listen to this pile of excrement they refer to as "rap". Every rap song I've heard since I was ten years old has had the same goddamn beat to it. And they're really not that original. And if they can't rhyme a word, they make up words to go with it. And if they can't think of anything to say, they throw in a bunch of "uhs" and"whoos" and "yeahs" and "whats". I miss the old school rap which, while still not my cup of tea, was original and rhymed words that appear in the dictionary. These days, the tunes are all recycled. They all sound the same to me. I am no connoisseur of music, but I know garbage when I hear it.

Friday, April 18, 2008

A silence so thick you could cut it in slices and serve it with coffee.

After the morning's initial mayhem, my inbox traffic came to a screeching halt at 1134 CST. So, I've been browsing mainstream media news links, perusing friends' blogs, and thinking too much about the orders that Rich discovered he had this morning for Biloxi.

Honestly, I don't know what to think, what to say. I mean, we've discussed hypothetical situations involving his hypothetical reenlistment and his hypothetical base-of-preference. I told him that whatever decisions he made, I would support him. I'm not breaking up with him just because he's at another base.

The situation is no longer hypothetical. It's "real world," so to speak. I'll still stand by him if he decides to take the orders and re-enlist. But it's not gonna be easy. I've never been one for long-distance relationships. In my experience, they usually don't work out for the best. But if I walk away from this, I know without a shadow of doubt that it would be the stupidest thing I could ever do.

All these scenarios keep flying through my head, but imagining them and actually stating our intentions for where this relationship is gonna go are two different things. I haven't heard a word from him since he dropped the bomb. It's frustrating, nerve-wracking.

Ugh. I need a pint.

What a way to end the week.

Update on yesterday's madness: I haven't heard another word on the bomb threat, it may just have been part of the exercise. As for the officer took his wife hostage and barricaded himself in his home with a weapon. After five hours, emergency personnel broke into the home to find him dead from what appears to be a suicide. Today, our flags will be flown at half-mast for him. This man had no prior indications of being at risk for suicide. Which just goes to show you, just because someone appears to be fine doesn't mean they don't need someone to listen to them.

This morning at 4:36 AM, an earthquake struck here in the Midwest. It woke me up, and I was terrified. My first thought was, OMG it's an earthquake, but this was quickly dismissed. I did not know at the time that the Midwest lies on a fault line. I thought the building was shaking due to strong winds, and wondered if there was a tornado. But I didn't hear any sirens, and the shaking soon stopped, so I just went back to sleep. Rich slept through it all. I didn't even mention it while we were getting ready for PT this morning until Eric sent me a text asking me if I'd felt the earthquake. For more information, click here.

On a final note, according to SSgt Tucker, I smell like his grandmother. Not the nice smell that brings up pleasant memories from your childhood of weekends spent at her house. No, he means the smell she uses to cover up the decay. Eff you.

Update, 1037 CST: Another earthquake thirty minutes ago, apparently. More info on aftershocks here, but no update on this latest quake.

Update, 1049 CST: This is crazy, I can barely keep up. According to Fox News, there were two aftershocks prior to the one that occurred over half-hour ago, but USGS only reports one of those. Also, according to Leach, the mainstream media are fags, so go here and here and here for reliable info.

Update, 1125 CST: Random is the anniversary of the San Fran quake. Also, according to Latner, this is the end of the world and the Mayans were wrong.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

When exercises become real-world situations, chaos ensues.

We were having one of our silly fight-the-base exercises today, and at around four in the afternoon, traffic on base slowed down and then came to a complete stop. I had changed into civies for class and thought that it wouldn't be a big deal for me to drive from work to the education center right across the street. I drove past two lanes in the parking lot before I pulled over, parked, got out, and walked across the street. It was like a scene out of an apocalyptic movie. Cars were completely stopped , streets and parking lots and intersections.

Once in my classroom, where only six students had been able to make it so far, a co-worker told me in a knowledgeable manner that the base cops were checking IDs as people went out the gate, that it was an anti-terrorism measure in conjunction with the exercise.

And then bullshit was called.

One of the students showing up late works at the base hospital, and whatever he does involves radios. He heard over the radio that a man in officer housing had barricaded himself in his home with a gun and may or may not have taken his family hostage. Last we heard, that area of housing was locked down and residents were congregating at the Burger King next-door to the ed center as they wait to be let back into their homes.

Then another student in my class hears from her mother that there was a bomb threat at the hospital where she works as well. MADNESS has taken over this base. Rich gets off work at 4:30; it was over two hours before he finally got home.

I hope that family is alright. =/

Please don't make me...

They just asked for volunteers for my deployment rotation. If no volunteers step forward, they will resort to the lottery method.

With my luck, my name would come up in a lottery. I can't do this again. That last one fucked with my head and my emotions so badly. It amazes me that no one referred me to mental health, but then I can be pretty crafty when it comes to hiding what's really going on with me. It was such an emotional roller coaster; I had my ups, which were great, and I had my downs, which were some of the worst I've ever experienced without wanting to kill myself. (I haven't had any suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager, fortunately.) It was really hard to cope with.

And now that I am emotionally stable for the first time in my is being threatened by this impending rotation that is now looming over me like a dark cloud.

I have a less than seventeen months left. Would it be too much to ask to get through it unscathed??

Things are starting to look up.

I am finally out of the help desk.

Starting this past Monday, I now work in an office that allows me to destroy things with hatchets. =D I'm not sure how much info OPSEC allows me to relay concerning this new position, but suffice it to say that my first experience with the hatchet MADE MY FUCKING DAY.

I'm mildly irritated, though. The machine I now work on does not have Microsoft Office 2007. Which I love. It doesn't have Mozilla Firefox, either. Which I love. I must remedy this with a quickness.

I'm currently overdue for my chemical warfare training. Once again Leach and I will wreak havoc on the learning process together.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

From good to bad in .5 seconds.

I was gonna blog about quite a few things today...but after writing it all up, I realized it made no sense and was no longer funny. Sorry, Shai'Kenya.

I was having a good day, but now my night is starting to suck. You're always right, I'm always wrong, and I can never win with you. You'll become upset with me because I don't speak to you about what's wrong. But it's not because I will not, it's because I can not, because your actions lead me to believe that you don't have the patience to LISTEN to what I have to say. I know you hear me. But I'm not so sure you listen to me.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Come on, kids, play nice.

I hate being caught in the middle. I hate having to defend people to others. I cannot make anyone see someone the way I see them, they have to be able to see it for themselves.

It kills me when the person I love most in the world alienates the other people that I love. This person doesn't do it deliberately by any means, it's just that no one understands his sense of humor. It is unfortunate that this person has a "my way or the highway" mentality, but what I love about him is that he's himself no matter what anyone thinks. He does not allow anyone's attitudes to dictate what he does, what he likes, how he thinks and feels. I just wish my friends could look past his attitude to see this about him, because this is something he has in common with all of them.

None of my real friends give me a hard time about my relationship with this person, and they never say anything negative, which I am grateful for. Those who have in the past have been pruned from my life, because I won't stand for it. And I would never allow this person to say anything negative about my friends, but I wish they could all see each other from different perspectives and play nice.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Just take a giant shit on the rank structure, why don't ya'...

As the ranking junior enlisted member on my shift, I have certain responsibilities such as acting as supervisor when our NCO is out, divvying up the tasks among the airmen, and making sure e-mails are checked and trouble ticket queues are monitored so that our NCO can focus on his supervisory tasks.

There is five-hour overlap between our day shift, which I'm on, and the swing shift. On the swing shift, there is an airman. Airman S. He has one stripe less than I do. Which means, if I am the only acting supervisor present, I can delegate tasks to him.

His attitude towards this?? Not good.

"I don't have to do what she tells me to do, she doesn't have enough rank, she's not my immediate supervisor, rank doesn't matter on the help desk, I'll go to my supervisor if she tries to tell me what to do, etc."

First of all, if he goes to his immediate supervisor, SSgt X will side with me. Secondly, even though he's undermining my authority, he's really only hurting himself in the end. Fine, he doesn't have to do a damn thing that I ask him to do. But he better keep his snarky comments to himself in my presence, because I won't stand for it.

What an idiot...

Saturday, April 5, 2008

It's a nice day for a white wedding.

Hey little sister what have you done?
Hey little sister who's the only one?
Hey little sister who's your superman?
Hey little sister who's the one you want?