Thursday, December 19, 2013

Great news equals stress.

On December 17th, 2013, Fordski and I hit the one-year, 5-month mark. I was not paying attention to the date, but he was. He said something about it, said it wasn't enough...and got down one knee.

I said yes, in case you're wondering.








I told the Sister I would wait until after the New Year to start officially planning, so that I could have a couple of weeks to soak in the glow (and to let her, my maid of honor, recover from very recent maid of honor duties). But I can't help it. Here I am stressing over the budget (we have spending way too much on eating out!) and a color scheme for the wedding that works with varying skin tones and hair colors. (This is what I get for inviting  and assortment of gingers, brunettes, blondes, pale skins, and brown people to be part of the wedding party.) Ugh! I need to calm down!

Look, our first annual holiday card!

Photos courtesy of my dear friend at Sayrah J Photography!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Thankfulness, days 1 through 4.

I put enough of my negative thoughts and feelings out into the internet. I will put out some positivity throughout the month of November. This month is for giving thanks, not rushing headlong into a holiday that lasts a night and a day.

On 1 November, I was grateful to come home to a house thoroughly cleaned by Fordski. I gave him a very short list of things that I needed done before our party that night, and he went above and beyond.

On 2 November, I was grateful for a beautiful Saturday morning in my cozy home, making breakfast for myself and Fordski and The Gingers, just like old times.

On 3 November, I was grateful for a quiet afternoon with my love, spent catching up on our favorite shows.

On 4 November, I am grateful for my full time employment.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Employment update.

The interview I was late for on Labor Day eventually evolved into my new job. I've been there for 2 weeks, enjoying every moment of it (but not the commute), and my last day at the part-time is this coming Friday.

Gah, I was about to get very negative about a person no longer in my life. But what would the point be of blasting the person (anonymously) all over the internet? This individual can no longer hurt me. I am okay. Being negative accomplishes nothing. I wish this person the best in their new life, I truly do. It just gets hard to hold it in sometimes, when I open that door from time to time to look at old things with a fresh perspective, and come to some very distasteful realizations. I have yet to vocalize these realizations. I'm not sure if I can.

ANYWHO.

Last month, Fordski took me out of state to meet his mother's side of the family; the following weekend, we paid a visit to his parents. Unfortunately there was...awkwardness...between us and his brother and sister-in-law, visiting from outside the lower 48. No need to get into those details. I think he and his brother could be on the path to less "awkwardness". This is desirable. We had fun with his nephew, at least.

We are looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with his family, Yule at home, and Christmas with my family in the high school stomping grounds at Sister's new digs, and then the New Year at home again with old friends visiting from out of town. Our first winter holiday season together...very exciting.

Exciting plans are in the works for us. An official announcement is to come in the next few months. No, I am not pregnant. All things in good time. A belated blessed Samhain to all!

 

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Apoplexy and positivity.

I was on my way to work, taking my usual route through the ghetto, when suddenly!
Yep, that there train is stopped. Because why the fuck not? Here's to being late for work! At least the co-worker I relieved found it funny. I thought I was going to have a stroke; but oddly, I wasn't even really angry. I was just overwhelmed by disbelief, and then a calm settled over me, and I entered what I call a sociopathic state of mind. I was calmly debating whether or not bomb this train for its audacity to fuck with my commute. Fortunately it got moving again less than a minute after I called work, and was quickly on its way again.

To break the monotony of negative posts, some positivity. I had an in-person interview on Labor Day that I wasn't feeling too confident about. I felt like I had failed to put forth more effort to sell myself, on top of showing up late to the interview after miscalculating the time and distance for the drive there. But yesterday the company e-mailed me to set up a phone interiew as the next step in the process. Awesome!

A few weeks ago, my darling Luna submitted a glowing recommendation for me along with my resume to HR at the company that employs her as an executive assistant. She sent me a copy of the recommendation, which I read aloud to Fordski. He laughed and said she sounded like the NCO she used to be. She was quite horrified by this. Anywho, the position she was recommending me for was recently posted to their career page, so I applied and had a phone interview yesterday. Supposedly I am only one of three candidates being considered, and I felt pretty confident about how the interview went. We shall see.
 

Friday, September 13, 2013

Cleaning, or Why Davi's Chores Take Forever.

I decide to clean the kitchen. I start by collecting dirty dishes and glasses for the dishwasher. I clear all the glasses from the dining room and head into the Fordski bat cave to collect more. I notice all the empty soda cans, beer bottles, and tobacco cans that are piling up. He even has a pyramid of empty tobacco cans. I'm not amused. I collect all the trash in a couple of shopping bags. I tie them off and decide to take out some trash, but I'm still in my pajamas. So I head to the bedroom to change and notice how messy it is. I collect all the hangars and set them to the side. I decide to finish folding/hanging the pile of clean clothes on the ottoman, but I need space to work. So I fix the bed, and then I pick up all the dirty clothes off the floor and organize them into their respective laundry bags: pants, shirts, underwear/socks/pajamas, whites. I notice Fordski keeps putting his underwear in the shirt bag. I then grab some glasses off our nightstands and take them down the kitchen, wear I remember my original task of cleaning the kitchen.

Now I'm looking out the window and I realize I forgot to water the garden this morning. Which reminds me, does Thor need to go out again? Better take him out just to be sure. Damnit, I still haven't changed out of my pajamas. And I still need to take that trash out. How many loads of laundry can I get done before I have to go baby-sit at 4 pm? Do I have time to cook dinner, or is Fordski on his own for the second night in a row? That won't do, all he ate last night were Reese's chips and almonds, silly man. Shit, we need to go grocery shopping. We couldn't go yesterday because I worked the swing shift. Can't go today because I'm baby-sitting until midnight. Can't go tomorrow because I have to stay up all night tonight so I can sleep all day tomorrow so I can be awake for my 12-hour night shift. I have to work Sunday night too; maybe I can go take care of it after work and before going to bed? Thor needs a bath, but he's too big for me to do it alone. Is it time to clean the litter box again? I need to bake more bread but that's gonna have to wait until Monday...

This is why I never get anything done.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Hate.

I am filled with anger and loathing every moment of every day.

The target of these negative, energy-sucking emotions?

Me.

I am twenty-eight years old, but you would think I'm an infant.

I can't do anything right. I fail in every task I set my incompetent hands to. I get lost going to places I've been to a thousand times. I am late for things that I leave early for. I go out for the day and forget things like my wallet. I can't hold down a full time job and I stumble through interviews. I am a financial drain on Fordski.

I am such a goddamn mess. I am a complete and utter failure at this adulthood thing. I am so angry with myself for all the mistakes that have led me to where I am today, financially and career wise. I hate myself for my incompetence and my inability to support myself independently.

I cannot function in this world. Why the fuck am I still here? WHY. THE. FUCK.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

My thoughts on military members making political statement in uniform.

Perchance you have seen these shenanigans floating around the interwebs?
Here's what I have to say to this.

I am completely disgusted by these photos of alleged members of our military making political statements in uniform. While service members are entitled to their personal views, it is not the military's job to dictate policy. Per their oath of enlistment, it is their job to obey the orders of the President of the United States and those appointed over them; to make these statements in uniform is a violation of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. If you're going to spit on our rules and traditions, at least have the balls/ovaries to show your fucking face and accept your inevitable punishment like a man/woman.

Feel free to express your opinions with your friends and family. Feel free to attend a rally for your candidate of choice. Feel free to write to your congressman/woman. But do so in your civilian clothes; leave the off camera and at home.

Foodie blog.

I started a foodie blog.

Adventures in Semi Organic Chefery

Summer 2013 rundown.

Turns out I was honorably discharged from the reserves on 13 April; but I didn't learn this until receiving my certificate in the mail at the end of May. C'est la vie.

I've been playing the stay-at-home role since losing the job. Fordski made it home safely in early June, and he took off work for almost a month. He grew a nice beard during his off time; it is missed. I volunteered with the JROTC camp again this year, and Fordski joined me. We had a really great time with the kids.

We celebrated the anniversary of our nation's independence with his family. We were looking forward to having his nephew with us towards the end of summer, but unfortunately family matters were too complicated to allow it. We look forward to seeing the nephew and Fordski's brother at the end of the month.

We finally planted a garden and it is thriving. We only suffered the loss of the lavender and thyme plants, which did not survive the transplant process. We also had problems with the bell pepper and jalapeno plants; our resident raccoon ate the buds right off once or twice. We finally have some buds growing back. We have a few pumpkins getting big and changing color, and a couple of gorgeous watermelon plants. The tomatoes are abundant and growing quickly. The serrano plant continues to provide plenty of peppers. The oregano was almost lost with the lavender and thyme, but it finally bouncing back nicely. The rosemary, parsley, basil, and sage and thriving; the garlic cloves I planted have yet to make an appearance. There's lettuce growing well in the bed, and more growing in some pots. I also have carrots growing well in a pot; the green onions continue to prove stubborn. We're planning on a couple more beds for autumn/winter produce.

We got a puppy last month. He's some kind of German Shepherd pitt bull lab mix with brindle coloring. He's a big puppy. We named him Thor. Here's a picture!


I am sorry to share that we lost one of our JROTC cadets from 2012. Dylan 'Dora the Explorer' Range took his own life on Saturday, the 17th of August. Fordski attended the funeral with me in his service blues; I debated a uniform, but ultimately settled on the traditional black. I wore a ring with a large green stone, Dora's favorite color, and my class ring, which bears the JROTC symbol on one side. The captain was there as well in her service blues. She introduced me to Dora's father, saying, "THIS is DC," to which he replied, "YOU'RE DC!" O, the feels. He told us how much we, his cadres, had meant to Dora. They had collages of photos of him with friends and family, and two of the pictures I had shared on Facebook after his death made it on there, including one of the two of us. His JROTC instructor, who is the commandant of the summer camp, even called me out in his eulogy, letting everyone know about a video I had shared that featured Dora crying, of all things. I still can't really believe that he's gone. He was the the joy of Charlie Flight that summer. Always smiling, always laughing, always cheering everyone up. I wish he could have sought help for his problems. But now he is no pain. Fly High, dear Dora.
I recently landed a part-time gig in the city. It's weekend nights, but it's money. Yesterday I interviewed for a full-time gig in the city, and I'm waiting to hear back for a technical interview for a gig on base. Fingers crossed.

We've been having fun all summer with our friends Luna Crow and Reaper and their daughter Cami; from zoo adventures, to dinner at the house, to bonfires in their neck of the wood.

And that's been our summer. O yeah. I turned 28 last Tuesday. Yay.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

An ending, a beginning, whatever.

Lost my job. Hoping unemployment gets approved. Signing up for classes to get my Post 9/11 GI Bill. Rawr.

ANYWHO.

Moving forward.

I'm gonna take classes for a certification as a Microsoft Office Specialist, and I'm meeting with an admissions counselor tomorrow at the university campus 10 minutes down the road to sign up for their IT program. Meanwhile I'm looking for a part time job.

Then, when Fordski gets home next month, we're gonna go see an Air Force recruiter to see if they'll take me back. Fingers crossed.

I've taken up gardening, finally! I have cilantro, parsley, sweet basil, hot and spicy oregano, sage, and garlic chives growing in pots; I planted bell pepper and apple seeds yesterday; and I need to transplant butternut squash, beefsteak tomatoes, and sweet potatoes when I have the bed set up. My neighbor gave me an 8x4 frame from his garden that he's not using anymore. I still need to plant seeds for carrots, green onion, and two kinds of lettuce; and I still need to buy corn, watermelon, and pumpkin to transplant. I'm so excited for this!

Yesterday I drove out to a farm to pick up free range chickens that were butchered...yesterday. I can still hear the echoes of their clucking, bwahahaha. I picked up 3, all cut up for $26.25. And this Saturday I'm hitting up a farmers market to check their prices on grass-fed beef.

And then next weekend, I'm all signed up for another week of Air Force JROTC Summer Leadership School, yay!

Friday, May 3, 2013

Brass knuckles.

Sick with worry, frustration, anger. What is the deal? I let the anger consume me over everything else to maintain my sanity. I will punch you in the throat when I finally see you.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

I dreamed a dream.

I dreamed that you had left me, desiring a break from "us". A short time passed, and I decided a "break" was unbearable. I searched for you until I came to a house. Inside I found a woman of indistinguishable features. I asked this woman where I might find you. I learned from this woman that she was a previous girlfriend. and that she and you were once again an item.

I was upset. I was numb. I left the house, and wandered aimlessly. My mind and my heart were empty. Then the memories crept in; memories of you telling me you loved me, telling me you would marry me. I heard your voice in the depths of my soul as I attempted to imagine clearly a future without you.

Suddenly I found myself surrounded by a sense of wrongness. It was in the air around me like a fog, so thick you could cut it with a knife. It became to overwhelming that it actually crowded me out of the dream, forcing me into wakefulness.

Many time I have forced myself out of an unpleasant dream; otherwise my REM cycle ends on its own. This is the first time I dream has kicked me out.

The Swan Wing.

Once upon a time, a dude named Branc wished he had a swan's wing in place of his left arm. A drunk genie granted his wish before eloping with the Blue Fairy. Excited to have his swan wing, Branc ran into the forest to "fap and flap". He began to fap, and then began to flap. However, the flapping of his great wing sent gusts of air whipping around, disturbing a nearby wasp nest. The wasps, furious at the disturbance, attacked Branc, and stung him mercilessly. He lost his balance, and fell off a precipice into a deep lake. Having only one arm to swim with, he could not keep his head above water; and so he drowned.
 
The end.

Monday, April 29, 2013

Changes are needed.

Change in job.

Change in sleep pattern.

Change in sleeping alone.

I really really really really hope I get a call back from last week's phone interview. That would bring about the first two changes!!

Now Fordski just needs to hurry up and get home to me so I can stop sleeping alone and cuddling with pillows. I am really happy about living with him and sharing my life with him. He's such a swell guy.

Viewing the horizon with a half-empty glass in my hand.

I feel as if I am being swept away by the tide, farther and farther away from any safe harbor.

There is no escape from this pervasive sense of hopelessness. No matter how deep I burrow under the covers in my bed, I cannot find comfort.

Motivation is slipping away. Sleep, the root of my dilemma, continues to elude me when I need it most.

I wonder if I'm getting fired this morning.