Thursday, November 29, 2012

A nightmare featuring something never seen.

I was out for a stroll on a road. A man was jogging up ahead, and on the right I passed a homeless man dozing on the side of the road. I walked for another minute before looking back to find that the homeless man was up and now walking behind me. I could not see his face; his was looking down, and his long hair that hung past his shoulders was covering his face. This made me nervous, so I walked faster.

Suddenly he broke into a run. I tried calling out to the jogger ahead of me, but he did not seem to hear me. The homeless man caught up to me, then passed me, then started jogging backwards before me. He was looking up at me now, with an awful grin on his face.

I was terrified now, but suddenly the jogger appeared and engaged in fisticuffs with the homeless man. Now, bear in mind that this was all rather frightening within the nightmare. My REM cycle had no room for amusement. So the hilarity of what followed did not register until I was awake.

I realized the jogger was none other than Keanu Reeves. Perhaps you've heard of him? He appeared in this trilogy years ago in which his character is a metapher for Jesus and he saves mankind for a computer. Or something like that. Anywho, I was trying to figure out, as he wrestled the homeless man, why his face looked strange. It took me a minute, but I realized what was so wrong about him

He was angry...and expressing this emotion...with his face. His facial featured were arranged in a manner so as to convey aggression. It's a shame I can not clearly recall what this looked like, for I surely shall never see anything quite like this again.

August 2012 mashup.

5 August:
Conservatives want smaller gov't, yet to me they come off as hypocritical when former governors from states outside of Missouri come to the area with political ads to tell me who to send to Congress to represent my state.
Sitting here, surrounded by cats, crocheting. And as I act the part of an 85-yr-old, I find myself pulling someone's hair out of the piece I'm crocheting. *cough* [Ginger Queen] *cough*
 6 August:
What, you think being an indifferent, sarcastic, embittered pagan in her late 20s just happens naturally? This takes work! You're welcome.
11 August:
Got [Ginger Queen] moved in yesterday!! From there, we all proceeded to fall apart in my living room from exhaustion. I keep forgetting there's a dog living here now. I'm surprised everytime I see Ewok, and think to myself, O hey, I'm a dog person now! :P Thanks to the boys for helping out Thursday and Friday!!
It takes 3.5 adults to entertain a boy of 6 years. Exactly 3.5 adults.
14 August:
Watched A New Hope, and the whole movie someone was either talking, singing, or sleeping. Don't ever have us over to watch movies.
15 August:
My domestic partnership is over before it had even begun! She was stolen right out from under my nose!

I have been declared the Queen of [Ginger Princeling], and he is my guard.
[Ginger Princeling] has sworn never to play Wii again, because I would not let him play the castle level on New Super Mario Bros. 
17 August:
"Beat my sausage!" Says my 6-yr-old roommate as he holds his fork aloft, a piece of breakfast sausage skewered on the end.
21 August:
Damnit, [Redhead], gossiping over the phone is inadequate. Run away and live with me forever. Simi will make room on the bed for you, and then I'll have TWO hot redheads all to myself. ;)
Ginger Queen: I think you have to share me now, so this is getting awkward and a little kinky
Redhead: I like kinky. Lol.
Pulled one of [Ginger Queens] hairs off my face while driving?!
Tuesday, 28 August:
You do not need a passport to travel to Puerto Rico, Guam, the US Virgin Islands, or the Mariana Islands. #ObscureFactTuesday
Puerto Rico is geographically, politically, and somewhat culturally separate from Mexico. #ObscureFactTuesday
Puerto Ricans do not speak Mexican. #ObscureFactTuesday
Puerto Ricans are US citizens. #ObscureFactTuesday
Puerto Rico does, in fact, have things like airports and gas stations. #ObscureFact Tuesday
The United States of America has one rain forest: El Yunque, in Puerto Rico. #ObscureFactTuesday
The lowest US Postal Code (zip code) is 00601. It belongs to Adjuntas, Puerto Rico. #ObscureFactTuesday

From a cousin, in response to this Obscure Fact Tuesday:
Your pro- Puerto Rico posts remind me of when I was a girl living in Louisiana... when I told my friends I was going to move to PR, they were shocked, and they would ask retard questions like... How do people take baths, Is their running water?? How are you going to buy food? Do you have to go by boat?? ji ji.... lol
29 August:
Asked the 6-yr-old how I looked. Got a head nod. Guess I look fabulous.
"They sound like the Borg," says [Sir Haggis], as the NCO-selectees give their oath. I have to cover my mouth to keep from laughing. Can't say stuff like that to me!!
31 August:
[Ginger Princeling] gave me a butter cup. [Ginger Queen] asked him, "Is Davi your buttercup?" He nodded.

This is not the ninja you are looking for.

From 20 June:

Okay, kids, let us set the record straight.

I am a pirate. A dread pirate. Very, very dread.

I am not a ninja. I am clumsy and drop things and fall off coffee tables. True story.

Also, pirates and ninjas are mortal enemies. I am pretty sure it's a federal offense to be both a pirate AND a ninja.

This public service announcement is brought to you by the Dread Pirate Davi. You may now return to your regularly scheduled REM cycle.

This is not the tyranny you are looking for.

From 28 June:

Not gonna lie...not too concerned about "Obamacare". Maybe because I realize that true tyranny isn't being "taxed" for not having health insurance. Tyranny is having something as basic as driving to work restricted based on your gender; being shot at by the government for protesting; being imprisoned and sentenced to death for being gay or being the wrong religion or ethnic group; being slaughtered over rights to natural resources; dying of hunger and thirst by the thousands or millions while the ruling power(s) live in luxury. I don't feel I have it that bad here. What we have, my friends, are first world problems. I can live with that, as long as I can drive to work, worship freely as a pagan, eat three meals a day, and have a roof over my head with electricity, running (and drinkable) water, a/c and heating. I don't have to wear any headgear to leave the house, I don't have to be escorted anywhere, and I don't have to worry that tomorrow some armed rebel group is gonna come and steal [Fiance] and force him to fight for them. I'm feeling pretty free from where I'm standing.

Separate status, same day:

Socialism? Where?? I didn't realize I was living in North Korea, starving and forced to listen to propoganda blaring over speakers as I pretend on a daily basis to live in a village near a DMZ ao the world thinks we're better off than we actually are. 

March Madness tomfoolery.

From 16 March:

I would like to extend my sincerest condolences to everyone who lost a bracket today in the great tragedy that was the loss of Mizzou. Your brackets were to beautiful and pure for this world, and will be sorely missed by all who put their blood, sweat, and money into the crafting of these predictions. May they rest in peace until the second coming of Elvis. Amen.

Shun the nonsense.

Davi's Facebook status on 6 February: Please join me in a 48-hour shun of [my Brother], Chariot Master, beginning now.
Redhead: why are we shunning him? *Shuns [Brother]*
Me: Because he deserves it. Do you think I'd shun someone without a very good reason?
Sarah: Is this because of the pictures? I liked them. They made me smile. Plus it reminds me of how much I need to come back and actually spend a whole night out with you guys
Brother: no, this is because a few people read something i posted incorrectly. [I am unable to recall what he was referring to.] alternately, a whole night in *wink*

Brother's Facebook status on 6 February: please join me in a 48-hour counter-shun of [Davi], my little sister, beginning now.
Me: That's gonna be bad for business...o, wait...
Ginger Queen: I'm anti boycott
Drunk Kris: I am Switzerland, I take no sides. However, I will take all your money!
Ginger Queen: And put it in a bank??
Drunk Kris: Sure... In exchange you can have some chocolate!
Sarah: Can I be part of both?
Brother: sure. chris and chad are already supporting both sides.
Chad: Shunnnnn the unbelievers!
Ginger Queen: Mmm chocolate, can I get some of the fun chocolate from Amsterdam??
[Ginger Queen adds me on FB.]
Ginger Queen: The shunning failed, we're now fb friends

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard??

Okay, this one is from 4 February, and I really wanna name the person who said it, but I need permission first.

"I had sex for a chocolate shake."

No thank you, Facebook.

From 15 February:

Facebook is suggesting a guy named Guarionex as a friend. I remember that dude. He was the commander of the Army JRTOC rifle team, which I was a member of during my freshman year. But I was only a member for one semester. Why? Because after I turned him down when he asked me out, and instead went out with another guy, he made up an excuse to kick me off the team. The excuse? I went to use the bathroom without his permission. So no, Facebook, I do not wish to add this person to my friend list. But thanks for the trip down memory lane!

Stupid politics.

From 17 February:

For the record, I don't like big government anymore than anyone else. I like freedom. I like a secular gov't that leaves faith out of the equation. I like states being able to write their own laws without interference from interest groups in completely different states. I like being able to live my life without being told how to live it, how to take care of my own body, and who to marry. That's why I can't get behind either political party. I cannot 100 percent agree with either side. Regardless of which party is in power, we will have too much gov't shoved down our throats. The end.

In case you're wondering, I'm looking for funny/cool/important stuff I've posted on FB over the past year that I want to be able to come back and look at. Scrolling through my blog is a lot less complicated than scrolling through my timeline.

DOMA sucks.

From 18 February:

I want to share this rant posted by a girl who was one of my best friends when I lived in Puerto Rico. We were in the JROTC together, and we both knew from a young age we wanted to serve our country. She is a member of the Air National Guard and mother of an adorable little boy. Miss you, Vilmar.
'D.O.M.A. Act sucks!!! R.O.M.A. Act should kick its ass!!! It really pisses me off how there is always...
something that segregates us gays and lesbians from just being normal. Who gives a flying fuck who I marry and makes me happy... And If I marry.. Shouldn't I have the same right as anyone else??? I do have a respected family of my own... If I wanted to serve my country, why would I have to marry a man in order to be considered eligible for active duty... I want a strong independent woman who makes me happy and would never leave my side.. But thanks to this D.O.M.A. Act... No, I can't... So no benefits for my wife... The woman who stands by me and supports me in battle... We are not recognized as "married" due to this act. Now congress passed the R.O.M.A. Soo hopefully this proceeds fairly quickly so this injustice ends... An it ends now... "vilmar ( Bill)"'


From February 29th:

During a late afternoon/early evening nap, I dreamt that I was in Florida heading to a concert with Jenelle and Ant when we stopped at a store. This store specialized in two things: Goya products and seafood. This store was selling lobster for $6.90 a pack!! Dee Dee was there, and we were in seafood heaven. Then [Fiance] was there, and I was excitedly telling him about the seafood deals...and then I woke up. I wish that store was real.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Giving thanks in 2012.

I am thankful for my mother, who gave me life; my father, who inspired me to serve my country; my sister, who isn't always a pain in my ass.
I am thankful for my boyfriend, Fjord, who is deployed for the next six months. I love him and I miss him, but I'm also proud of his service.
I am thankful for my friends, near and far; for my awesome roommates, the Ginger and her Princeling; for my Brother, who brought about the roommate situation; for my Redhead and all the others who have loved me and stood by me.
I am thankful for my relatively good health, my new job, my awesome new co-workers.
I am thankful for the opportunity to serve the country that has given me everything.
I am thankful for the freedoms afforded to me as a citizen of this nation; the freedom to practice my chose faith, the freedom of speech, the freedom to pursue my education regardless of my gender, and the right to elect my leaders.
Now I just wanna say something. If you're able to get on the internet and post statuses about how much your life sucks, guess what? Your life doesn't actually suck. If you can afford an internet connection, you're clearly doing much better than those who are living on the street and having to stand in line at a soup kitchen to eat today. We all have our gripes and complaints, but don't forget to take a moment once in a while and appreciate your good fortune.
Happy Thanksgiving.