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Sunday, August 2, 2009

An open letter to Wal-Mart shoppers.

Dear Wal-Mart shoppers,

Isn't it just lovely how Wal-Mart is like a mini-version of our wonderful country, so full of diverse people of different races and ethnicity and language and religion?? Just marvelous.

That's where the pros of the Wal-Mart shopper end for me.

Would it kill you to shower before leaving your house?? To put on some jeans instead of wearing ridiculous pajama bottoms?? To take the damn rollers out of your hair before appearing in public??

Children, because of the amount new things they are constantly being exposed to, need more sleep than adults. So why are you taking your child to the store at 10 o' clock at night to buy paint supplies??

Most Wal-Marts are open 24/7. This is convenient for those who do shift work. But an overflowing cart of groceries at 9 PM?? C'mon.

And I could start in on carts being left in the middle of the parking lot, but I've ranted on this before, and I don't have the energy for it right now.

If you are standing in the middle of the aisle, and I am coming towards you with a cart, and we make eye contact...would it KILL you to step aside for a moment to let me through?? Don't stare at me like I've got three heads and sneer at me when I say, "Excuse me," just get the fuck out of my way.

Wal-Mart shopper...you suck.

Yours truly,
The Dread Pirate Davi

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