Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Spanish word of the day is "harto": fed up, tired.

Written earlier this evening (they blocked the site at work)...

I am tired. So very, very tired.

My job is highly unsatisfying. I’m ready for something new. I want to move on. The staleness of this monotony is leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. I hate working nights, it’s exhausting. I stay up all night and get a only a few hours of sleep during the day because my body won’t adjust. And I can’t absorb all the changes they’ve made in my section. I’ve spent too much time away, and they expect me to just pick up like I’ve been here the whole time?? And I am so tired of working with people who cannot (or, dare I say, WILL NOT) do the job right.

I love the fact that when they need to move someone to a new section, they think of everyone else, but the moment they need a body to volunteer for something I am the first person they think of. “Honor Guard?? Let’s send Airman Davi, she’s already done it once!!” I love that I went to honor guard to escape the help desk, and as soon as I get off six months later they put me on the help desk. On night shift.

I am so tired of being ignored and under appreciated. I’m tired of being bored at work. I’m tired, tired, tired.

There’s been too much noise in my head lately. Songs get stuck for days on end. When I lay awake at night, there is a constant buzzing in my head. My mind is too active. (May I take this moment to note that there are some first-class grade A morons in my section?? Unbelievable…) All this activity leaves me with minor but lingering headaches.

And the monotony is spilling over into my personal and social life. I feel like putting a gun to my head just for a change of pace. Ugh, the same routines over and over. The same music, the same movies, the same food.

And this WEATHER. From seventy degrees on Sunday to a snow and ice storm late Monday/all day Tuesday. I am so SICK of weather. I’m pretty sure it’s the weather that has me in such a suicidal and stale funk. I hate cold weather. On Sunday I wore board shorts and a tank top as I drove around with the windows rolled down blaring My Chemical Romance, singing at the top of my lungs. I was in such a great mood. I went shopping with a friend and spent too much money, and then went to the boyfriend’s to model my new bikinis for him. I didn’t do much on Sunday, but it was a great day. It’s been a WHILE since I had a great day. Great moments and great outings I’ve had here and there, but not an entirely great day. Probably won’t have another one of those until spring finally comes. And may it come soon. I mean, really, do you ever see people trying to kill themselves in the middle of summer?? No. They wait till the dark of winter when the cold is more than skin deep and seeps into your soul. Yes, this is what winter does to me. I hate it. I suppose it’d be more fun if I had a snowsuit and someone to toss around snowballs with, but until that happens, bring me sunshine and color and heat. PLEASE.

I forgot my hat at home. Damn.

Rich took me to see Jumper the other night to cheer me up. A good movie if you like having nothing explained to you. In which case you’ll most definitely enjoy Cloverfield, which had great action and suspense but no background story. Srsly, these writers are getting lazy. And predictable. I can see an ending coming from a mile away. These days a movie is good if it gives me an unexpected ending. Like 3:10 to Yuma. Which was good even without that surprise at the end, but that made it better. They’re cranking out fewer and fewer AMAZING movies these days. On my short list of recent AMAZING movies you’ll find The Departed and 300. And not much else. The only other movies I’ve really enjoyed in the past year or so are Superbad, Juno, Beowulf… I had to wrack my brain just to come up with those. *sigh* The current state of the motion picture industry is deplorable, I must say.

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