Monday, March 3, 2008

A theme fulfilled...or is it??


My theme for the year 2007: New year, new me. Innocently, I kicked off this theme on the 2nd of January with the dramatic hacking off of my long hair. Two weeks later, I deployed.

My life hasn't really been the same since.

Welcome to 2008. I am terrified of coming up with another theme. Who knows where that will leave me?? As it is, I am divorced, renting from the ex, and living with a whiny roommate.

From the beginning...I returned from that fateful deployment with an empty feeling inside me. Oh, I had a blast out there, don't get me wrong. But it drained me. It was a mellow Davi who returned to Illinois, one who was quiet and...indifferent, I suppose. And a little bitter. Nothing was the same. The element I had worked in no longer existed. My co-workers had moved to different shops. My new supervisor was a stranger. I had nowhere to sit.

My R&R was lame, for lack of a better adjective. I was pretty much just sitting around waiting to go back to work. I saw my friends, and couldn't connect with them. I didn't know how to respond to inquiries concerning my deployment and my well-being. "Uh, I'm fine. It was an alright deployment, I guess." Ugh, spare me.

Back at work, I felt useless, worthless. All I did all day was close work orders. After two months of this nonsense, I realized how little my place was valued in this newly-merged squadron when I was given the choice of going to the Honor Guard full time for six months or going to the help desk.

I chose the Honor Guard. I was not going back to the help desk.

And then there was my marriage. I still loved my husband, but I was no longer the girl he'd married. I no longer wanted the same things. And I chose to end it while the feelings were still warm between us. As a result, we're still friends, and the transition from married to divorce was unbelievably smooth. I now rent the house from him for the time-being, and pretty soon I'll be moving out and getting my own place, living alone for the first time in my life. I'm really excited about it.

Then there is my love life. Let me say first that while I am very flirtatious and social, I am not one for the whole dating scene: going out, meeting different guys, collecting phone numbers, etc. At the same time, while I love the security of a monogamous and serious relationship, I am not at this time in any rush to hunt down husband number two. That being said, allow me to introduce Rich.

A fellow honor guard member, it did not take me long to fall, and fall hard, for this sexy and outgoing self-proclaimed metal head. He more or less stole my heart the first time he kissed me. I love everything about him. His laugh, his smile, that fascinating streak in his right eye. I love watching him play guitar, and I love the way he makes my heart race with the simplest gestures. He's so goofy and so sweet...and I think I'm done sounding like a lovesick teenager. I apologize for any nausea I may have induced.

I will say, though, that since I've been with Rich, a change has come over me. I no longer hold onto my anger the way I used to. I am more calm, more rational. I have less of a tendency to take any of my stress out on him the way I did with Eric. I never really even yell at him. And I try not to sweat the small stuff anymore. I am happy, happier than I've ever been in my life. I am emotionally stable, and it feels good. Sanity feels good.

Perhaps that will be my theme for 2008. Or, even better, the rest of my life. One can hope.

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