Monday, August 13, 2012

Children are tasty.

Had a text conversation with Sister today. Here's how it went down halfway through:

Me: I'll bug you later. Have a good day!
Sister: Nah nah tell me
Me: [Haggis takes over for the texting] Hang on i'm driving and i'm a goofball and my friend is texting you right now [Thanks, Haggis.]
Sister: Hmm why aren't you at work!?
Me: Heading to lunch where we will feast like kings
Sister: Lol what will you be eating?
I told Haggis to tell her I was gonna eat a delicious sammich.
Me: I will be eating little children [Thanks again, Haggis.]
Sister: I like that.
Me: What condiments do you use? Im torn between cholula and horseradish
[I have excellent spelling and grammar. Remember, this is Haggis texting on my behalf.]
Sister: I usually dribble some leftover placenta on there, that'll take it up a notch.
[I take over the texting again.]
Me: Oooh, gotcha. Now, do you steam or fry the umbilical cord??
Sister: I usually don't eat that
Me: Whaaaat, that has so much protein!!
Sister: Meh, don't like the texture
Me:  Dude, bread it and fry it. AMAZING.
Sister: Ok I'm done with this conversation, im actually going to eat a normal lunch now

And you thought I only had disturbing conversations with the Brother. Soon I'll post a bad one between myself and Apple-cheeks.

New characaters:
Ginger, aka Ginger Pirate Queen: My new roommate! I met her through Brother, they went to high school together. She brings into this domestic partnership a 6-year-old boy and a black shiztsu (sp?) that thinks it's a cat.
Ginger Pirate Prince, aka The Princeling: My other new roommate! He brings into this domestic partnership his sass and love of pirates.
Fjord: He sings, he dances, he plays guitar, he charms the ladies, and accepts my verbal abuse like a gentleman.
Sir Haggis: He and Fjord harmonize well together, and he likes to fill my fridge with alcohol. He has a pet gun named Violet. Also, he looks like Russell from the movie Up.
Apple-cheeks: He looks like he's 12, but is in the fact the oldest of this trio of men that formed a unique, homoerotic bond right out of basic military training. He has many nicknames: Bumblebee, Apple-bottom, Apple-tits, Beezy, etc...

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