For the love of caek.

BRO: bring me some caek

ME: come get it yourself.

‎‎BRO‎‎: you should come down, actually.

‎‎ME‎‎: no.

i'm busy.

‎‎BRO‎‎: well

‎‎ME‎‎: if i leave my desk, chaos will ensue

‎‎BRO‎‎: when you get a minute

get me some caek plzkthx

‎‎ME‎‎: you can't be brought your cake and eat it too

you must earn it.

‎‎BRO‎‎: when you come down, you will see why i earned it.

‎‎ME‎‎: i refuse to be seen getting a second slice of cake.

‎‎BRO‎: ugh. tell them it's for your lazy bro

‎‎ME‎‎: that's exactly what they would expect me to say if i was trying to make an excuse for why i was having a second slice of cake before 0930.

‎‎BRO‎‎: the caek wouldn't be out at 9am unless it wanted to be eaten

‎‎ME‎‎: STOP BEING SO GODDAMN LAZY AND COME GET IT.

‎‎BRO‎‎: help me.

you're my only hope.

...for caek.

‎‎ME‎‎: i will give you my plate and fork.

that is all i can do.

you must do this on your own.

it is your task.

your quest.

‎‎BRO‎‎: well now, which is seriously worse:

someone who works in the vicinity of the caek getting a second piece

or someone who works downstairs, explicitly seeking the caek, then walking through the halls with the caek

head hung in shame, tears falling into the buttercream frosting

‎‎ME‎‎: you could eat it at my desk.

‎‎BRO‎‎: your area is moderately crowded

‎‎ME‎‎: not today.

leach, do you hear that?

it is the cake.

it is calling to you.

beckoning.

begging to be eaten.

to be savored.

‎‎BRO‎‎: i'm going to walk up there and talk to you like none of this ever happened.

then you will tell me there is caek.

and we will get it.

‎that is what will happen.*

*That is what happened.