Lock jaw.

For some reason, I've been clenching my teeth for the last couple of hours. Now my jaw hurts.

Thank you, Anonymous, for the tip. STLWed.com should prove to be a useful tool.

My toes are jacked. Time for a pedicure.

Today I sat through Day One (of four) of Transition Assistance Program (TAP) class at the Airmen and Family Readiness Center. It's for service members who are separating/retiring, and is there to give them guidance, advice, tools, etc, for transitioning to civilian life and the civilian job market. As they were going on and on about marketing yourself and your skills and such, I pondered on the one and only job I plan on applying for, the civilian slot within the office I am currently assigned to.

Most would see this as disastrous to my future. The Fiance certainly thinks. I can imagine the fit my father will throw upon reading this. Why am I limiting myself, you ask??

Here's the deal. Many months ago, it was my desire to apply for this job. However as time rolled on, I began to feel that despite my security clearance and real-world experience in this particular area of my Air Force Specialty Code (MOS, for you soldiers), I wouldn't stand a chance in the interview/hiring process. I mean, to go from clerk (don't let that inadequate word lead you to underestimate my real duties) to alternate manager after only a year-and-a-half in the office?? Who was I kidding??

So very, very recently, I decided to abandon all hope and turn my attention towards applying for the post-9/11 GI Bill and going to school full time. The Fiance and Parents were one-hundred-percent supportive of this. My goal was to get my bachelor's in three years or less.

Then the new leadership came to visit.

I drew the short-straw and ended up being the one to brief said leadership on what our office does, what we've accomplished, and the challenges we face. One of those challenges being that, of all the similar office in the command across the nation, we have the most responsibility in our specific area of comm; HOWEVER, we manage said responsibility with the least amount of personnel. I mentioned that during our recent command-level inspection out-brief, the inspectors had placed emphasis on filling the open civilian slot for continuity purposes.

The mentioning sparked a conversation between the bigheads, and before I knew it, I was being encouraged to apply for the slot by no less than the squadron commander and the group commander. "Change one uniform for the other," as the superintendent put it.

Well. I was flabbergasted, to say the least. But, armed with the blessing and approval of leadership, I contacted the civilian liaison for hiring, and found out the job will be re-advertised in the immediate future. So, I am currently putting together my resume to post on the World Wide Web. And when the job become public, I will "self-nominate", in my flight commander's words.

Why the change of heart?? Well, it seems that I do have a shot in hell of getting the job. And, for crying out loud, if I get it, it's an actual salary. And I enjoy what I currently do, I'm good at it, and it's a good working environment.

HOWEVER...

...should I fail to secure the position, I will not rebound and go in search of a similar position elsewhere. I have no desire to start over in that area, and even less desire to pursue a general career in IT. There is no civilian equivalent for this area of expertise outside of the DoD; the same applies to the Fiance. Neither of us has any desire to continue on in IT for much longer, much less limit ourselves to living within the immediate vicinity of a military installation for the rest of our lives.

So, if I get the job, hooray. I'll work full time, go to school part time, and hopefully move on from IT for good in the next few years. If not, then I'll go to school full time, get my degree sooner, and have the freedom to leave the area whenever the hell we want to in the future.

Does that make any sense?? No?? Whatever. I digress.

So I'm sitting there pondering this job. And, I don't, thinking about all that work waiting for me when I'm done with TAP...all those duties...I just feel sort of drained and numb and...not at all enthusiastic about it. I enjoy the job, but I wonder if I'm just a little burned out??