Friday, March 15, 2013

September 2012.

I'm bored.

1 September:
(1) Call me crazy, but I am loving this early morning cool mugginess. It reminds me of Adjuntas. It feels like I'm waking up at Abuela's for some café con leche, pan de agua, and corazones, mmm.
(2) Facebook keeps showing me trending article about the Teen Moms. How can I put this delicately? Dear Facebook: I could not give less of a fuck about adolescent morons who were too stupid to use condoms and are too irresponsible [t]o take care of their children, whose stupidity and lack of responsibility and desire for negative attention has been validated and encouraged by the garbage that is reality TV. Zero. Fucks. Given.
2 September:
(1) How do I know that [Sir Haggis] is awake on the other side of the house? He keeps poking me on Facebook. I'm poking back. At some point, I'm sure we'll both get up, say good morning, and sit down for a cup of coffee.
(2) My sly-as-fuck ginger roommate smuggled the Bailey's flan outta the house! Can't trust those sneaky gingers!! (That's okay, she left the Bailey's brownies smothered with peanut butter, drizzled with chocolate syrup, and topped with caramel bits, omnomnom.)
3 September:
My brain is unable to comprehend the how or the why of false death rumors.
4 September:
(1) What is this foul yellow disc in the sky that burns my skin? *hissss*
(2) Made a left turn out of the BX/commissary parking lot at this time of day without having to kill anyone for the privilege. I deserve an award for this.
(3) I am owning the ever-living shit out of this Tuesday. FUCK YES.
(4) "Davi, if SoCo wasn't on your foot, then Simi would be on your foot. But if Simi wasn't on your foot, then there wouldn't be a cat on your foot." My mind has been blown by six-year-old logic.
5 September:
(1) What did I do on my lunch break? Some cleaning at home. The hell is wrong with me?!
(2) *excruciating lower back pain* Dear Twenty-Seven-Year-Old Body, stop behaving like that of an eighty-seven-year-old. Srsly. Stop that.
(3) I am the boss of the ginger princeling for the next 13 hours. *evil laughter*
6 September:
(1) So apparently the ginger roommate, devourer of souls, is also the stealer of yawns??
(2) Hey, Friday. Did you hear about how I made Tuesday and Thursday my bitched? You're next. I WILL FUCKING OWN YOU, FRIDAY.
8 September:
(1) In a ridiculously good mood this morning, even tho the major won't let me take home the picture of General Schwartz to hang above my bed.
(2) Fordski: Starting on the 12th, we're gonna be slammed with homework [at ALS].
Me: So I'm not gonna see you for a while.
F: No, you'll see me!
Me: *warm amd fuzzy*
F: You have [Microsoft] Word. There's gonna be a lot of writing!
Me: >_<

9 September:
(1) As of today, I have been serving in the Air Force for nine years. Almost a decade. I don't feel old AT ALL.
(2) Look at all the fucks I don't give about football! Look at them!
10 September:
(1) If a person deletes you from their friend list, but continues to "Poke" you on an almost daily basis, does it mean he/she regrets deleting you, but is too proud to admit it?? 
(2) I shake my fist at you, pre-calculus! I shake it angrily!!
(3) It appears I have forgotten how to solve quadratic equations. *sigh*
11 September:
(1) Ginger: Every morning should be like this. A man in my bed, a woman in the kitchen.
(2) "If I don't sin, then Jesus died for nothing." - Fordski's roommate.
12 September:
Sometimes the words people post on the internet scare the living piss outta me.

13 September:
I am 27 years old and I totally coasted thru the commissary parking lot on my shopping cart like a 7-yr-old. Zero fucks given.
14 September:
(1) I thought up a new word @ 0430: cakepensation. The act of giving cake as compensation.
(2) Watched the Thunderbirds flying around earlier. After 9 years, I still get ridiculously excited and feel immense pride when I see a military plane in the air. Now there just needs to be a C-5 at the air show tomorrow, and my weekend will be complete.
17 September:
(1) Stupid rain. I tolerate you for the sake of the plant kingdom.
(2) I'm sick of all these pages sharing pictures of kids with cancer or Down's Syndrome or some sort of physical trauma. They're only doing it for the "likes" and the "shares", and it's disgusting. Don't play into their hands.
(3) Check me out, strutting around with my new library card. I feel like such a hipster.
20 September:

So the ginger princeling wanted to have a dance party RIGHT MEOW before being sent to bed, and we were willing to oblige him, but only if we could get him to dance to Gangnam Style and get it on video. The video played for about 20 seconds, and he made it very clear he'd rather be sent to bed without the dance party. Kids these days don't know how to appreciate good music.
21 September:
I was gonna say Brentwood, Missouri, can kiss my ass...then I saw the Irish karaoke pub. Yeah, give yourself a moment to let that amazingness sink in.

22 September:
The reciprocating saw and the glue gun are out. This cannot end well for [Sir Haggis].

24 September:
Go away, Monday. You're not wanted. You're never wanted. I spoke to the other days of the week, and they don't like you either. Just go kill yourself, Monday.

25 September:
Facebook, I'm gonna need you to stop recommending Paul Ryan as a page I might like. That's not happening.
26 September:
(1) I am twenty-seven years old. And adult. Sometimes I’m a complete failure at adulthood, but legally I am an adult. I am not in high school, I am not a kid. Those who call themselves “adults” seem to love using Facebook as a medium for their passive-aggressive tendencies rather than confront their problems head on. If you have an issue with me, please feel free to deal with me directly. I promise I won’t bite.

However, if you have a problem with a family member or friend, you need to confront them directly. That is the right way to do it. The wrong way to do it is to drag me into the middle and harass me. The wrong way to do it is to drag children into the middle and slander them. It is inappropriate and immature; frankly, it disgusts me. And do not expect me to ever, ever take you seriously if you have the spelling and grammar skills of a three-year-old; or if you insult my military service just because you’re irritated with me.

(2) I was a spelling goddess in elementary school. I will expect no less from my children.
27 September:
(1) This TV character just said, "Slick as a frog fart." I have a new saying.
(2) This episode of Nap Thursday, starring the Dread Pirate Davi, the Ginger Prince, Simi, and Ewok, is brought to you by Narcolepsy!
(3) I can't figure out why Costco is sending me e-mails in Spanish.
28 September:
(1) [Ginger Prince] referred to the tiny pieces of dog poo on the floor as "poop crumbs". I can feel my breakfast rebelling in my tummeh.
(2) Dear Spotify, I don't appreciate you telling the world which songs are played on repeat in my car.

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