BRO: bring me some caek
ME: come get it yourself.
BRO: you should come down, actually.
ME: if i leave my desk, chaos will ensue
BRO: when you get a minute
get me some caek plzkthx
ME: you can't be brought your cake and eat it too
you must earn it.
BRO: when you come down, you will see why i earned it.
ME: i refuse to be seen getting a second slice of cake.
BRO: ugh. tell them it's for your lazy bro
ME: that's exactly what they would expect me to say if i was trying to make an excuse for why i was having a second slice of cake before 0930.
BRO: the caek wouldn't be out at 9am unless it wanted to be eaten
ME: STOP BEING SO GODDAMN LAZY AND COME GET IT.
BRO: help me.
you're my only hope.
ME: i will give you my plate and fork.
that is all i can do.
you must do this on your own.
it is your task.
BRO: well now, which is seriously worse:
someone who works in the vicinity of the caek getting a second piece
or someone who works downstairs, explicitly seeking the caek, then walking through the halls with the caek
head hung in shame, tears falling into the buttercream frosting
ME: you could eat it at my desk.
BRO: your area is moderately crowded
ME: not today.
leach, do you hear that?
it is the cake.
it is calling to you.
begging to be eaten.
to be savored.
BRO: i'm going to walk up there and talk to you like none of this ever happened.
then you will tell me there is caek.
and we will get it.
that is what will happen.*
*That is what happened.